Borges

Body Language can tell you a lot about what is happening in a relationship in so many ways. Is somebody feeling distant, having second thoughts, or are they going to go home rip off all your clothes and make wild, passionate love to you as soon as you close the front door.

The clues are in the body language of your partner.

Walking:

Lets take just walking to a destination for an example.

Things that say you are in sync are great. You are walking in about the same pace, side by side. Holding hands is another positive. If you go to look at your partner and admire them they should automatically return the admiration. There is a process known as mirroring in psychology and NLP which stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP goes as far to say you should copy the persons mannerisms, body language to get more in rapport with a person. This shouldnt be necessary as if you are connecting well you and your partner should be in sync already. There have even been studies that say heart rates get similar.

Warning signs for walking exists when couples arent in rapport. If somebody walks far ahead or behind they both have meanings. Far ahead would mean they just wish to lead, and get away from their partner. Somebody who walks far behind could be scared of their partner, and feel intimidated by them.

If your partner crosses the street and gives absolutely no verbal or non verbal signals it is also a negative sign.

Sitting:

Now sitting is another example that can be used. Look at a pair of newlyweds. Youll see a lot of times they sit next to each other in booths at a restaurant not across from one another. They tend to remain close to each other no matter what. A family with a close mother and father do the same thing even when kids are involved. A partner Im dating might even sit sideways facing me in a car when they are really into me.

Couples with good body language will take the time to connect all the time. The will face towards one another and when distractions stop will reengage each other in connecting. This can be done with kissing, holding hands, eye contact, or conversation. Their bodies should be angled towards each other and physical contact is done quite often. Another sign in a restaurant is both of the couples are eating in proportion to each other.

Negative signs are when somebody doesnt connect during breaks. They instead read a menu again, look out the window, play with their purse or engage everybody but the person they are will. Their bodies are probably angled away from each other and physical contact in minimal. If somebody is eating a lot of their meal and the other is hardly touching their plate something is going on. The person hardly touching their plate is probably bothered by something.

Making Love:

When a couple is in sync they connect on a much deeper level they just physical. There should be a strong mental aspect. Eye contact is one of the biggest things both partners should be able to freely look into each others eyes during sex. Touching, holding, kissing is usually all a natural occurrence that happens during love making. A clasp of the hands with your partners, eye contact and others signal a much deeper connection. Partners should be willing to give pleasure as well as receive pleasure.

Some warning signs could be closed eyes , in a stiffness in the shoulders and neck. These signal coldness, anxiety

Be aware of the nonverbal communicate you have with your mate. There was a research study done by a psychologist known as Albert Mehrabian. His findings were its not what you say but how you say it that really matters. Verbal communication only accounts for 7% of the total communication we communicate.

Robert Torrey is a dating and relationship trainer. He has trained many men how to attract and date women that they meet on the street, nightclubs and malls.

Dating Confidence

Do you ever hear of animals gratifying their desire or need for artificial exercising at a gymnasium? asks Joseph H. Pilates, developer of the Pilates Method, in his book Your Health.

When I first read this I imagined my dog Wendy saying, Of course not! How boring! Why would anyone want to spend hours on a treadmill or lifting weights when they can chase squirrels or jump and catch the sticks my master so kindly tosses in the air or even grab the bizarre rubber doggie toy my mistress rolls across the kitchen floor.

As a child, Pilates was a keen observer of animals and his observations about the ways in which they moved played a key role in the development of his ideas about efficient human functioning. As he wrote, If you have studied animal life at all, you will have been impressed by the fact that so far as physical actions and movements are concerned, animals are men and men are animals...Both animals and men move their bodies in every and all possible directions. Freedom of bodily action is paramount.

Its interesting that F. Matthias Alexander, another pioneer in the field of somatic education whose ideas and procedures are today known as the Alexander Technique, was also influenced by his close observations of animals. Alexander always had a particular interest in horses and horse racing. He regularly visited racetracks and spent time closely watching horses as they were being ridden before each race to see just how well they were functioning that day. It was said that this gave him an edge in betting and that as a consequence he often did quite well at the track.*

Alexander also appropriated a term used by horsemen in Australia to describe the quality of a horses functioning: use. Today Alexander Technique teachers still talk about good use and poor use as a shorthand way of indicating the level of a persons overall coordination and balance.

While Pilates didnt use a single word to encompass this idea, he clearly had a very similar understanding: Both (mind and body) must be coordinated, in order not only to accomplish the maximum results with the minimum expenditure of mental and physical energy, but also to live as long as possible in normal health and enjoy the benefits of a useful and happy life.

Both Pilates and Alexander asked why it was that animals almost always have good use while humans often do not. Animals use can be compromised, often severely, when they have been harmfully exposed to humans with poor use or very harmful human-created conditions (poorly ridden horses, and animals caged in a zoo are obvious examples), but these are exceptions to the rule. Even most domestic animals exhibit excellent use.

Both men gave considerable weight to harmful habits of posture and movement learned in childhood, often from well-intentioned parents and teachers who inadvertently passed on their own mis-use patterns. As Pilates said, The average child is born of parents whose physical and mental balance was either compromised or perhaps never even attained. Often times, these parents are physically defective without themselves being aware of the fact. Alexander lamented the fact that when choosing a caretaker for their young children, parents almost always failed to consider that persons use pattern.

Pilates also placed some of the blame on childbirth practices which he considered unnatural and harmful to both mother and child. Alexander, on the other hand, believed that many mis-use patterns could be traced to the pace of industrialization in developed countries like England (where he lived most of his life) that often outstripped individuals ability to adapt effectively to their rapidly changing circumstances.

Animals, of course, are blithely unaware of economic trends or of artificial birth methods. Their parents and colleagues, so to speak, usually have good levels of functioning - good use to use Alexanders term - themselves. Certainly for animals in the wild, good use is imperative for survival and so there arent likely to be many poor examples around for young animals to mimic.

While both Pilates and Alexander were inspired by the functioning of animals, the two men differed significantly in their proposed solutions to the mis-use patterns so often seen in humans. These important differences will be discussed in a later article.

In the meantime, however, you might want to heed my dog Wendys parting words of advice: Humans would do well to pay a LOT of attention to us!

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*Both Pilates and Alexander also felt that there were some human examples of good functioning worth paying attention to. Pilates looked to the ancient Greek athletes. He viewed them as cultured nature lovers whose bodies were not, in Pilates words, unnecessarily burdened with clothing as we understand it today. Alexander observed that acrobats tend to exhibit very good use, presumably because the nature of their profession demands it; a trapeze artist with a stiff neck wont be a trapeze artist for long! Alexander made it a point to attend circus performances whenever he could.

The Pilates quotations are all taken from his book, Your Health

You can learn more about the Pilates Method and the Alexander Technique, and how to order Pilates books, at the Pilates and Alexander Website at http://www.PilatesandAlexander.com

Robert Rickover is a teacher of the Alexander Technique living in Lincoln, Nebraska. He also teaches regularly in Toronto, Canada. Robert is the author of Fitness Without Stress - A Guide to the Alexander Technique and is the creator of The Complete Guide to the Alexander Technique at http://www.alexandertechnique.com